Monday, August 29, 2011

Gronk Sword, cheap

Does 2d4 +STR bonus, if any.
Requires a minimum Strength of 15 to wield at -2 penalty, each point of strength above 15 decreases the penalty (thus: 16 STR=-1 penalty, 17 STR=no penalty, 18 STR=+1 bonus). A Gronk-Sword is overly heavy, very-much off-balance and difficult to use unless one takes 1d4 days to get the hang of it. Even then, it takes a lot of strength to make it worth swinging around as a weapon, though it does make an excellent pry-bar, can-opener, and completely illegal substitute cricket-bat. The core is composed of yellow metal traded from certain morlock kingdoms, the exterior is composed of a smooth, white metal that would retain an excellent edge had it been sharpened prior to being tempered and quenched in a muriatic acid bath.

The Gronk are a very sturdy, industrious and collectively-organized species of parthenogenic beings who have fully embraced the concepts of centralized planning and mass production in a peculiar Gronk-ific form of militarized assembly-line communalism.

Gronks are famous for their over-sized, unwieldy and very off-balanced swords. Each Gronk receives one Gronk-Sword from the Central Supply Service upon completing their initial desensitization and pain tolerance training. This is the only weapon they'll ever need. That is a direct order from Gronk Central Command.

It is treasonous to disobey Gronk Central Command.

The Eyes of the Gronk Central Command are upon all Gronks at all times.

Because Gronk Central Command cares about all good Gronks.

Abandoning or selling one's Gronk-Sword is a treasonous act.

Only those under the influence of foreign agitators and hardened traitors would do such a terrible thing. The Gronk-Sword is the acme of Gronk military-industrial design science. It is the perfect weapon for all Gronks.

Such a thing should not be allowed to fall into the hands of other forces. Especially not those who do not respect the Gronk way of life.


  1. This is our Gronk sword, there are many others like it but this is ours...

  2. @ckutalik: Accept no imitations. This genuine article. You no need Gronk mecenaries? Very professional. Very organized. Come in one-size-fits-all. Cheap. Only slightly used around the edges...


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