Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Lears' Soap

Cleanliness combats the forces of filth and decay!
Perpetual Hygiene is Essential!
The so-called 'Indelible' may no longer be quite so intractable, thanks to Lear's Soap!

The posters declare the virtues of Lear's Soap almost as loudly and garishly as the street peddlars and door-to-door 'undocumented doctors' who make their living roving about the Low Streets in search of whatever ills and injuries they can fend off or cure with their patent medicines, noxious nostrums and mostly alcohol-based lotions, potions and tinctures.

In a place rife with miasmas, subject to Smog Events and worse, the people demand and deserve some sort of relief. For decades the Lear's Company has provided a reliable product at a modest cost that counter-acts even the worst of the splotches and seemingly permanent stains caused by coming into contact with Deep Purple Smog and the like. The soap has also proven to be somewhat effective as a deterrent to minor vermin and some forms of undead, prompting any number of street peddlars to re-mold the original cakes of soap into fanciful shapes or to carve it into a type of 'soluble cameo' that they claim will ward off all manner of pest and bogey, for a small price, of course.

Sometimes one needs to use the product up to three times a day for a few weeks, but eventually, it will lessen the intensity of the tinting of one's skin. It also does a fair job of clearing-out skin-parasites and hastening the healing of burns and lesions caused by various Stains, Jellies and Slimes, making Lear's Soap an essential part of every Jelly-Hunter's personal arsenal.

Representatives of the Lear's Company have repeatedly gone on record vehemently denying that any sort of White Powder derivative is used in the manufacture of their venerable and well beloved product. Maybe this is true, perhaps not; but everyone who uses it knows damn well that the stuff reeks like Yellow Wallpaper...

Lear's Soap  [Cost: 6 cents a tablet, a nickel along Ammonia Avenue (but that's probably adulterated). Gives the user a cumulative 5% chance to remove the visible marks incurred from exposure to Purple Clouds, Deep Purple Smog, Purple Haze, most minor miasmas, and so on. The soap likewise grants a +2 bonus to all saves against infections, skin-toxins, and most contact-agents, including acids. Persistent use may cause side-effects, but there has never been any successfully presented proof of this, so it is considered hearsay and the slanderous and unfair attempts by disgruntled would-be competitors seeking to besmirch a well established and much respected company that has done so very much for the community over the years. There is also absolutely no truth whatsoever to the unverified claims that Lear's Soap has been responsible for the rash of unfortunate birth-defects among various isolated groups of refugees, as has been proven in the courts.

White Wash is a weaponized form of Lear's Soap that was first used during the Urshevik Counter-Revolution. It is a nasty mixture of Spectral Brine and Lear's Soap, often mixed with various solvents and other substances that have been put through a highly volatile alchemical process using commandeered Black Liquor stills. The resulting fluid is extremely corrosive, melting flesh on contact and bursting into exceedingly hot flames that quickly burn out. Small amounts of White Wash were introduced into the cream used by the delegates at various high-level negotiations which was then covered-up by the Ursheviks by their persistent claims of spontaneous human combustion. Since the Counter-Revolution quite a few ingenious and despicable individuals have further refined and developed  their own personal formula for White Wash...


  1. I bet all sorts of hygienic nostrums and home remedies are endemic to Wermspittle given its environment. Some cures and probably worse than the disease.

    1. Even before the war, there were a lot of quacks and patent-medicine frauds circulating about the place. The Medical College seemed to attract them like flies, drawn away from the old chemical works and labs, the fiber mills and plastiqueries...now...they are a plague unto themselves. And everyone else.


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